World Cup 2010, Day 75 (14, actually)

I am hungry. I am lonely.

It’s been 75 days since I’ve been here. I miss my family.

I can’t find anything to do and I’ve resorted to eating sand, which reminded me of KFC.

Just me and ol’ Wilson here. I hate Wilson and he dislikes me as well. We tried to mate once and it never worked out. He laughs at me, and mocks me with his racial slurs. Stupid Wilson.

Why couldn’t you be a soccer ball? Why?! I’d call you Jabulani and we could defy gravity together.

If only you were a hard men’s  ball and not some lame ass half-soft retarded looking midget all-white volleyball. Who even plays volleyball anymore?!

If only you were a soccer ball, I’d imagine us breaking the hearts of millions of Italians after their premature disqualification from the World Cup, four years removed from being on the top of the world. I’d imagine you being hit by Vittek’s two shots  and you’d imagine me being Quagliarella as I practically place you on the top left corner pocket. Can you imagine that? Sending the Italians home and qualifying the Slovakians? Boy that’d be something huh? Improbable though.

How about you imagine us just standing around for 90 minutes like New Zealand and Paraguay did?

Or how about I pretend I’m Japan’s Honda and Endo and score you off free kicks as they went on to beat Denmark? Hmm? That DOES sound nice!

Or how about you imagine yourself being perfectly and expertly handled by the Dutch as they record another win? Does that turn you on? It does? Oh my, will you look at that!

But guess what? You’re not a soccer ball! You’re not Jabulani! And I’m going to stab you in the face with this stick for the next four hours until I make a hole big enough!

Friday – June 25th, 2010 Preview

Brazil vs. Portugal (10 AM EST.)

Brazil is already qualified. Portugal needs just one point. Tie anyone? Prediction: Tie.

Ivory Coast vs. North Korea (10 AM EST.)

Fortunately for the Ivorians, the Koreans have to show up for this game. Unfortunately for the Koreans, the Ivorians will show up for this game. Prediction: Ivory Coast win.

Spain vs. Chile (2:30 PM EST.)

Chile has played well, Spain has bounced back, nothing has been decided yet, should be a great game to watch! Both have good attacks, both like the open game and both miss alot of scoring chances! Still, Spain has more fire-power. Prediction: Spain win.

Switzerland vs. Honduras (2:30 PM EST.)

I expect the Swiss to win because Honduras is horrible. If the Swiss do win, and Spain wins, we’ll have three teams with six points and it’ll all come down to goal differential. Giddy. Prediction: Switzerland win.