The Outer Limits: 2 Titles > 27 Titles

Vol. VIII

The Florida Marlins are superior than the New York Yankees. The Marlins’ two titles are worth more than the Yankees’ 20 something or other titles.

Now that I got that out there…How is this possible you may ask?

Simple, let me explain.

You see, winning a title, for a fan, is like the birth of a child. It is a day you will forever remember. The details of that day, how worried you were, how anxious, how nervous with anticipation.

You remember clearly everything that happened. The image is burned in your mind and you will carry it forever.

The pitches, the clutch hitting, the players, the crowd, the last out, the celebration. When you win just two titles those moments are still clear as day to you.

The same can be said when giving a birth to just two children. Both are special and both are remembered and treasured equally.

Now, 27 titles?!

That’s like one of those fat annoying women who wear clothes much too small while  carrying 4 children, while pushing 5 more on strollers with 7 other running around destroying the aisles at K-Mart. They’re all crying, she’s screaming at them, they all look alike, she doesn’t remember their names, they all have snot hanging from their noses. All of them clearly don’t receive the required attention each need. Sad situation indeed.

People often refer to the Irish and the  Mormons as how big families can indeed work out. How having 8 children + can coexist with a  healthy environment of love and caring.

Upon closer look and research however, we see that the Mormons and the Irish, in fact, do not have that big of a family

1) According to Cambridge Journals’ Article on Irish Families, the ideal and average family size extend from 3-6 children.

2) According to fairlds.org, a respectable Mormon site, which does away with inaccuracies and misconceptions, the average Mormon family size is 4 children.

So the two examples above obviously don’t apply.

In reality, when one household has numerous children, much less 27, the result can be quite disastrous.

A better example would be the nation of Gambia, which has the largest household average in the world. And we all know how they end up right? AIDS, malnourishment, killed, joining gangs and extremist groups, being eaten by lions and maybe even becoming zombies.

Such is the result of having 27 children.

You see, my friend, to have just two kids is a privilege and not a shortcoming.

Let me ask you, Mr. Yankees Fan, do you remember every year the Yankees won? How it ended? The lineup?

No, you can’t. You are a disgusting, inconsiderate, shallow, faulty, absent, drunk father who can’t remember his child’s names nor birthdays.

I do and I love my children and they love me, both of them. 1997 & 2003. I remember everything they did.

I have been with my children through the really tough years. I’ve been with them when they were laughed at, when they were ridiculed, when they were picked on and beat up on. I’ve been with my children through the constant recession my family is in. I’ve supported them, I’ve taught them life lessons, how to be efficient in regards to financial issues. I’ve thought them to expect the hardships of life and how to face them and overcome them.

You, on the other hand, know nothing of such things. You’re like the Santonio Holmes of baseball. Your oldest children are forgotten, only remembered by

For 2012.

pre-historic ape-men who were alive. Your newest children are tainted with money. You spoil them and make them out to be the Paris Hilton’s of the world.

How can you boast on the quantity of children you have?  Is that all they are to you? Figures? A twisted family tree/ stat sheet?  It’s not about how much of your soldiers made it to the world.

It’s not about any of that. It’s about something more. Something you’ll never understand. To my children, I am all they need. Also they do not charge me 50 bucks for beer.