Phil Jackson plans on returning to coach . . .

Phil Jackson refuses to coach Heat in 2012.

In a stunning turn of events, Phil Jackson refused to take the reins of the NBA team following a stunning sweep from the NBA playoffs.

“Time was, I could win the title with only 2 of the top 10 players in the NBA” Jackson said. “But times have changed- If the Heat add Howard and either Paul or Deron, then I might be able to lead them to a title.” Jackson is widely considered one of the best coaches in NBA history, and stated getting swept by Dallas last May reinforced his desire to retire.
“Its just plain to me that having 5 of the top 7 players in a series just isn’t good enough for my genuis”  Jackson moaned into the mic,”I just have to pay too much attention without overwhelming Hall of Famers.”

New York Knick owner James Dolan was dancing with joy upon hearing the news, and immediately outbid himself by doubling his offer to Jackson to coach the Knicks to 44M a season, dispite Jackson repeatedly saying he has no  desire to return to Gotham.

“Looking over that roster- there is no way I can win there, and with Miami already having 2 of the top 3 players, New York is out of the question.”Jackson was then presented with a plan of adding Free agent to be Brandon Jennings and ROY winner Blake Griffin to the Knicks in 2014 and if he could come out of retirement then?” Amare, Billups,Melo,Jennings, Griffin and Kevin Love??” A smile crossed The Guru’s face.” Hey Dolan- How hot is your daughter?”