The Ten Stories That DON’T (and Do) Matter as NBA Season Nears

Here are six things that fans, media and players are so excited about as we near the start of the NBA season that, looking back, won’t matter in the end.

6. Layoff affecting players – I love NFL commentators saying this player stinks because he didn’t get OTAs and that team is hurting due to no mini-camps etc. Yep, teams like the Steelers, Ravens, Saints and Pats sure do suck… no, wait! They are JUST as great as last year, and the Packers added a half dozen guys from IR and had no time to blend them in and THEY SURE SUCK, don’t they? I’m sure the lack of an offseason means Kobe is going to lead the Lakers to a .500 record and LeBron is going to average 12 a game. The back-to-back games are going to wear on KG and Timmy more than not getting game tapes before Thanksgiving.

Sure, it's fun... but NBA Christmas won't always be your season opener. Get over it now and enjoy it while it lasts...

5. The Short Season is so great that the NBA should always do this – It’s not going to happen, so let’s just quit talking about it. We didn’t miss anything important since the NFL was on and UNC is at its rightful place. Christmas is when I really start to care about the NBA anyway.

4. Jordan became the face of the small market A-hole owner – Let’s face it… no one was going to Charlotte anyway. He was cheap and an A-Hole in Washington, if you really followed the NBA — we knew Michael Jordan has been cheap for a while. And Euuuuumka and Wallace are gone already.

3. Last gasp for KG, TIMMY and Nash – It will be a short season, and all three play for smart coaches. Unless they are carried off the court, all three will be back if the team is relevant.

2. NBA owning the Hornets – (NOTE: Shinn is a shithead.) It was a bad move to the area to start with, If not for Katrina, the team would be gone already. The day the NBA wants to sell this team and relocate it, they will. Chicago, Kansas City, Las Vegas, San Diego, Seattle. Any of those cities can take a team and sell out an arena. Add in CP3, and you have a top-ten draw in the game.

Why does Shaq have to become an analyst? Isn't there a crappy movie or intolerable rap album he could be creating? What ever happened to his sheriff dreams?

1. Shaq as a commentator – This is like having Millen critique your draft class. Let’s see the list of things Shaq cannot call someone out on, as they can turn around and ask how the largest pot in the world can talk to a small kettle.

• Effort on defense
• Effort on the boards
• Silly mistakes with the ball
• Shooting bad shots
• Not getting back on defense
• Being an A-hole to teammates
• Poor rotation on defense
• Taking too many shots
• Calling out everyone on earth
• Foul shots
• Dressing like a clown on PCP
• Shitty rapping
• Shitty movies

So what is he going to talk about? Kenny Smith was an above-average PG who got where he was with brains and effort. Barkley is an undersized 6’6” (in his sneakers) yet he won rebounding titles — and went toe to toe with Oakley and Lambeer for them. What did Shaq do to…

Now that being said. What are the main storylines we SHOULD be looking for?

1. CP3 and Dwight Howard – Take all the stories last year about Melo and copy/paste CP3 and New York. This is going to be the end of the Hornets — especially if David West leaves. Howard should stay in Orlando… with the amnesty clause they can dump a contract.

2. The MASSIVE free agent moves – This i going to be a scramble. With a dozen or so amnesty players who can sign mid-level exceptions, free agency could alter the NBA significantly. Arenas, Lewis, Monta Ellis, Brandon Roy, etc. etc. etc. Dallas, the Clippers, Miami or OKC might just add one of those players.

The NBA made it back before blowing up its season, but with the increasing quality of television what will brings fans back into seats that were vacated BEFORE the lockout?

3. Attendance at the games – Squishy season means less walk-up ticket buyers. It means adding an extra hundred bucks a week to a fan’s budget, who will likely end up skipping a game or two he would normally attend, Plus there will be MORE, not fewer, crappy teams this year. If attendance goes way down, this labor stuff might not be over.

4. The Salary Floor – Teams like Charlotte have to spend 85% of the cap. Who are they going to buy? Say the Hornets lose West and CP3 — who do you just drop 51 million on? James Posey and… who? Expect to see teams take an expiring deal just to get over that line and give up more to do so. (Vince Carter to the Tar Heel State to get Jordan over the floor?)  GMs have to watch that. That is a HUGE win for the union.

This is going to be a fascinating year in the NBA, but you need to be aware of the items to care about, and what will ultimately end up meaning nothing.